Vol. 1, No. 2
Thursday, September 17, 2026
Week 1 Recap
The Cobras Hang 157. The Decepticons Win With 80.
A 0.24 point finish, the lowest winning score anyone can remember, and a special teams core that produced zero. Week 1 had range.
By Chet Grindstone, Senior Draft Correspondent, The Thunderdome Gazette
Sunday afternoon, somewhere in the fourth quarter of Cardinals at Chargers, the Thunderdome produced two results that should not coexist in the same league. On one scoreboard, the Cobras, a franchise that did not exist until hours before the draft, put up 157.72 points, the most anyone scored by a margin of 33. On another, the Decepticons won a football game with 80.06 points, which is not a typo, and which was enough because the ChalupaBatman offense produced 58.22, which is also not a typo.
The week had everything else too. Kenneth Walker and D'Andre Swift each cleared 31 for the Cobras in the same afternoon. Caleb Williams, drafted 91st overall, threw for 37.3 fantasy points and lost. Daraiders beat Trogdor the Burninator by 0.24 with a kicker who scored 2 and a defense that scored negative 2. Josh Allen and Derrick Henry combined for 70 points for a team that lost by 41. Christian Watson scored 26.7 on a bench in Snoqualmie. And stevets, who left the draft with zero kickers and a second quarterback, has added a kicker, renamed the team Punt Intended, and scored 116 in a loss. Growth comes in many forms.
Weekly grades reward the decisions, not the roster. A team can lose and earn a B because the lineup was right. A team can win with 80 and earn a C because the lineup was wrong and the kicker bailed it out. Both of those things happened.
The Grades / Week 1
In standings order. Best start and worst decision use the box score; the box score is not interested in your feelings.
Cobras
jonnie555, 1-0, 157.72 points
A
The new guy scored 157.72. Kenneth Walker went for 31.1, D'Andre Swift for 31.4 in the flex slot, Bijan Robinson for 23.3, and Jalen Hurts added 24.7 as if a quarterback were needed. The lineup was nearly clean. The one blemish: Parker Washington's 14.3 sat behind Tee Higgins's 5.9, and nobody noticed because the margin was 41. This is the same manager who took Swift at 39 when the room had him a full round later and drafted Brenton Strange two picks before Kittle. One of those bits is now retired. The Gazette regrets nothing.
Best start: D'Andre Swift, 31.4 at flex. The Monangai knee handed him the Chicago backfield and he ran off with it.
Worst decision: Tee Higgins over Parker Washington, 5.9 to 14.3. In a 157 point week, a rounding error. The Gazette checked twice.
Record: 1-0. Power rank 1, up four. Projected to finish fifth three weeks ago. The projection would like to speak to its lawyer.
NW HJ Monsters
rsh3ll, 1-0, 123.96 points
B+
Jonathan Taylor 22.1, Breece Hall 17.8, Amon-Ra St. Brown 18.7, Bucky Irving 13.3 in the flex, and a 123.96 total that beat the Mint by 21. Sound, unglamorous, and the second best score of the week. The bench had Patrick Mahomes at 21.7 behind Jayden Daniels at 17.7, and Jacory Croskey-Merritt at 11.6 behind Tucker Kraft at 6.5, neither of which mattered and both of which will be watched. The Monsters also handcuffed Emmett Johnson to a Kenneth Walker they do not own. Walker scored 31.1 for the Cobras. The mitten remains on the wrong hand.
Best start: Jonathan Taylor, 22.1. The 1.03 pick doing what 1.03 picks are for.
Worst decision: Tucker Kraft, 6.5 at tight end. Croskey-Merritt had 11.6 on the bench and would have fit the flex chain. Minor, noted.
Record: 1-0. Power rank 2, up two. The wide receiver room carried; the quarterback room has a quiet controversy.
Ed's Broken Tractor
OldFordTractor, 1-0, 113.96 points
B-
The Tractor won by 10 and left 33 points in the shed. Jahmyr Gibbs 28.6, Justin Jefferson 23.2, and Lamar Jackson 25.0 did their jobs. Meanwhile Isaiah Likely scored 19.8 on the bench while Harold Fannin scored 2.1 at tight end, Kyle Monangai scored 18.4 on the bench with his hyperextended knee while Quinshon Judkins scored 5.0 in the flex, and Jaxson Dart scored 26.6 on the bench because a one quarterback league starts one quarterback. The win covered all of it. The Gazette would like the record to reflect that the man who drafted the injury report in round 8 was right, and then did not start him.
Best start: Jahmyr Gibbs, 28.6. Consensus 1.01, consensus performance.
Worst decision: Harold Fannin, 2.1 at tight end. Likely scored 19.8 in the same building, on this bench. That is 17.7 points left on purpose.
Record: 1-0. Power rank 3, down two. Best starting lineup in the league on paper, third best starting lineup in the league on Sunday, because of the paper.
Daraiders
darock77, 1-0, 105.1 points
C+
Daraiders won by 0.24. Let the reader absorb the composition of that margin. Brandon Aubrey, the round 7 kicker, scored 2. The Houston defense, the round 8 defense, scored negative 2. The special teams core assembled before anyone in this league had drafted a second quarterback produced a combined zero points in a game decided by a quarter of a point. What actually won it: David Montgomery 25.9, Trevor Lawrence 26.1, Javonte Williams 19.2 in the flex. What almost lost it: Dallas Goedert scored 19.7 on the bench while Tyler Warren scored 7.3 at tight end. Wednesday brought Jared Goff in for a concussed Kyler Murray and Rachaad White for a Nicholas Singleton who was on the roster for ten days.
Best start: Trevor Lawrence, 26.1. Drafted 88th. Outscored four of the seven quarterbacks taken ahead of him.
Worst decision: Tyler Warren, 7.3 at tight end. Goedert's 19.7 was one click away. In a 0.24 point game, every click is the game.
Record: 1-0. Power rank 5, up three. Lost the kicker matchup by 10 and the defense matchup by 5. Won the game anyway.
Decepticons
Megatron1414, 1-0, 80.06 points
C
The most news-literate draft of the night scored 80.06 and won, which is the sort of sentence that should be read aloud slowly. Ja'Marr Chase, the seventh overall pick, scored 1.2. Colston Loveland scored 0.0. Saquon Barkley scored 8.0. Tony Pollard scored 3.4 in the flex. The team was carried by Evan McPherson, a kicker added Sunday morning, who scored 19.0, and the Pittsburgh defense, added Saturday, which scored 18.0. Thirty-seven of the eighty points came from the two positions this paper spent a full column mocking Daraiders for drafting early. Then on Wednesday, with the waiver wire open, the Decepticons dropped the 18 point Pittsburgh defense for Tampa Bay. Credit where due: Kaelon Black, the most added running back on the wire, landed here for the price of Tyrone Tracy, who scored negative 0.6.
Best start: Evan McPherson, 19.0. A kicker was the best player on a team that drafted Ja'Marr Chase seventh overall. Write that down.
Worst decision: Colston Loveland, 0.0 at tight end. Nobody on this bench could have replaced him, which is a different kind of problem.
Record: 1-0. Power rank 9, down six. The lowest winning score of the week by 25 points. Undefeated, and the paper is not sure how.
Punt Intended
stevets, 0-1, 116.06 points
B
Formerly known as stevets, now Punt Intended, now the owner of a kicker. Matt Gay scored 10.0, which is 10.0 more than this roster had at the position on August 30. Josh Allen scored 35.7 and Derrick Henry scored 34.3, the second and third highest individual totals in the league, and the team lost by 41 because it drew the Cobras. There is nothing to grade harshly in a 116 point loss except the two slots that stayed cold: Rico Dowdle 2.1 at running back with Aaron Jones at 10.0 on the bench, and Davante Adams 2.6 in the flex with Jakobi Meyers at 10.2 behind him. Jordan Love scored 19.5 on the bench and will keep doing that, because the league starts one quarterback and this roster owns Josh Allen.
Best start: Josh Allen, 35.7. The 15th overall pick was the second best player in the Thunderdome on Sunday, behind a quarterback taken 91st.
Worst decision: Rico Dowdle, 2.1. Aaron Jones had 10.0 on the bench. Eight points did not decide a 41 point game, but the habit will decide a closer one.
Record: 0-1. Power rank 4, up three. Highest scoring loser in the league, and the Wednesday 1 AM Award is hereby retired.
Trogdor the Burninator
jacobposey40, 0-1, 104.86 points
B-
Trogdor lost by 0.24 and won the waiver wire, which is the fantasy equivalent of losing a fight and leaving with the other guy's watch. Caleb Williams, the steal of the draft at 91, scored 37.3, the best quarterback total in the league. Ashton Jeanty, the first round pick with the ankle, scored 26.7 in the flex and looked like a first round pick. Then the rest: A.J. Brown 2.6 before his six week ankle, Kyle Pitts 0.0 at tight end with Hunter Henry's 2.6 sitting behind him, and a Denver defense that scored 3. Fixing either of the first two produces a win. Wednesday's haul was Jalen Coker, the top waiver add in the country, and Juwan Johnson, who replaces Pitts. That is two starters for the price of one Kyle Pitts.
Best start: Caleb Williams, 37.3. Round 10. The heist keeps paying.
Worst decision: Kyle Pitts, 0.0 at tight end. Hunter Henry's 2.6 wins the game. The margin was 0.24. Two point six is more than 0.24.
Record: 0-1. Power rank 6, up four. Lost by less than a point, added the two best free agents on the board. The basement has better lighting than advertised.
tjflaig
tjflaig, 0-1, 104 points
C+
A perfectly reasonable 104 points, undone by three cold slots and one roster spot that will be cold until at least November. Zay Flowers 21.0, Chuba Hubbard 20.7 in the flex, and Trey McBride 15.5 carried. Puka Nacua scored 7.4, DJ Moore scored 16.0 on the bench behind him, and the kicker and defense combined for 4, which beat Daraiders' combined zero and still felt like nothing. Josh Jacobs scored 0.0 from the Commissioner's Exempt List, as scheduled, and occupies one of six bench spots while doing it. Tyler Allgeier, who out-carried the Decepticons' Jeremiyah Love 17 to 11, sat on this bench scoring 7.0 while his owner's manager presumably did not notice what he has.
Best start: Zay Flowers, 21.0. Round 6. Left with a hamstring, which is the Thunderdome's way of saying congratulations.
Worst decision: Puka Nacua, 7.4. DJ Moore had 16.0 on the bench. A healthy Nacua is a start every week; this one was not that.
Record: 0-1. Power rank 7, down one. The pick remains. It scored zero.
The Snoqualmie Mint
CalViv6, 0-1, 102.8 points
C
The Mint scored 102.8 and lost by 21, and the loss lives on the bench: Christian Watson scored 26.7 there, a top eight individual total in the league, while George Kittle scored 1.2 at tight end and Bhayshul Tuten scored 8.8 in the flex. Jordan Mason added 11.9 on the same bench. The starters were fine: Brock Purdy 21.1 from round 12, Jaxon Smith-Njigba 18.2, Ladd McConkey 14.2, the Seattle defense 13.0 for a round 10 pick the Gazette mocked and now grudgingly respects. Travis Etienne played on the evaluated ankle and scored 7.8. Wednesday's Devaughn Vele claim failed on priority; Caleb Douglas came in for Alec Pierce. Brock Bowers scored 0.0 with a trimmed meniscus and holds a roster spot until further notice.
Best start: Brock Purdy, 21.1. Round 12. The round 12 and 13 quarterback and tight end plan was half right.
Worst decision: Christian Watson on the bench, 26.7. Tuten's 8.8 was in the flex. The gap is 17.9 points, and the loss was 21.
Record: 0-1. Power rank 8, up one. The bye week apocalypse is still five weeks away, which means the Mint is losing games on schedule.
ChalupaBatman
FFBOYZ, 0-1, 58.22 points
D
Fifty-eight point two two. The beautiful house with no plumbing flooded in week one. Jaylen Waddle scored 0.2 in the flex, George Pickens scored 2.8, Harrison Mevis scored 1.0 at kicker, Drake Maye scored 9.8, and Christian McCaffrey and De'Von Achane, the two backs who defined this draft, combined for 15.4. On the bench: Mike Evans 10.9, Justin Herbert 13.3, Blake Corum 5.4, all of which would have helped and none of which would have rescued a total that lost to 80.06. The Gazette warned that two quarterbacks and two tight ends on a one quarterback, one tight end roster was redundancy. It turns out redundancy does not score either.
Best start: Chris Olave, 18.2. The only starter above 10.
Worst decision: Jaylen Waddle, 0.2 in the flex. Mike Evans had 10.9 on the bench. The whole team had 58.22.
Record: 0-1. Power rank 10, down eight. Lost to the lowest winning score of the week. That requires a special kind of week.
Superlatives / The Hardware
Score of the Week
Cobras, 157.72. The next best total was 123.96. jonnie555 joined this league the way a substitute teacher joins a classroom, and then scored more in one week than ChalupaBatman and the Decepticons did combined.
The Quarter Point
Daraiders 105.1, Trogdor 104.86. The margin was 0.24. Trogdor started a tight end who scored 0.0. Daraiders started a defense that scored negative 2. Somewhere in those two facts is a lesson, and neither team has learned it yet.
Special Teams Coordinator of the Year, Encore
Daraiders, again. The round 7 kicker scored 2. The round 8 defense scored negative 2. Combined contribution from the two picks that cost eleven skill players: zero. Still won. The Gazette is beginning to suspect the universe is in on the bit.
The Bench Regret Trophy
Ed's Broken Tractor, with Isaiah Likely (19.8), Jaxson Dart (26.6), and Kyle Monangai (18.4) all watching from the sideline while Harold Fannin scored 2.1 and Quinshon Judkins scored 5.0. Honorable mention to the Mint for benching a top eight scorer.
Lowest Winning Score in Thunderdome History
Decepticons, 80.06. The record will stand for a while, because it requires an opponent to score 58. The Gazette notes that the Decepticons then dropped the defense that scored 18 of those 80. Confidence is a strategy.
The Heist Continues
Caleb Williams, 37.3, the top quarterback score in the league, from the 91st pick. Trevor Lawrence, 26.1, from the 88th. Brock Purdy, 21.1, from the 117th. The first six quarterbacks off the board averaged 21.2. The room was told. The room drafted Drake Maye at 49 anyway, and he scored 9.8.
Waiver Wire Champion
Trogdor the Burninator, who lost by 0.24 and then claimed Jalen Coker and Juwan Johnson, the two most useful free agents in the run. Second place: the Decepticons, who added Kaelon Black for Tyrone Tracy and negative 0.6 points.
Retired Bit of the Week
The Wednesday 1 AM Award, retired with honors. Punt Intended has a kicker. He scored 10. The Gazette will find something else. It always does.
Standings / After Week 1
Record, then points for. Top six make the playoffs. Line is drawn early because the paper enjoys drawing it.
| # | Team | Manager | W-L | PF |
|---|
| 1 | Cobras | jonnie555 | 1-0 | 157.72 |
| 2 | NW HJ Monsters | rsh3ll | 1-0 | 123.96 |
| 3 | Ed's Broken Tractor | OldFordTractor | 1-0 | 113.96 |
| 4 | Daraiders | darock77 | 1-0 | 105.1 |
| 5 | Decepticons | Megatron1414 | 1-0 | 80.06 |
| 6 | Punt Intended | stevets | 0-1 | 116.06 |
| 7 | Trogdor the Burninator | jacobposey40 | 0-1 | 104.86 |
| 8 | tjflaig | tjflaig | 0-1 | 104 |
| 9 | The Snoqualmie Mint | CalViv6 | 0-1 | 102.8 |
| 10 | ChalupaBatman | FFBOYZ | 0-1 | 58.22 |
Red line: playoff cutoff. The fifth seed scored 80. The sixth seed scored 116. Standings are a rumor until October.
Power Rankings / Week 1
Movement is against the Gazette's preseason projected order. Points for weighs more than the win column, because the win column is one game old.
1Cobrasup 4157.72 with a clean lineup and a bench that still had 14 points in it. The warning: Walker and Swift both scored 31 in the same week, and that will not be the average. The praise: it does not need to be.
2NW HJ Monstersup 2The second best score with the third best quarterback on the roster. Mahomes at 21.7 on the bench is the controversy this team needs to have with itself before Week 3.
3Ed's Broken Tractordown 2Won comfortably and benched 65 points. The lineup that lives on this roster is still the best in the league; the lineup that got submitted was third. Start Likely.
4Punt Intendedup 3The highest scoring loser, with the two best individual performances in the league and a kicker now. Drew the Cobras. Draws someone else next.
5Daraidersup 3105.1 and a win with zero from special teams, which means the skill players are better than the draft suggested. Goedert over Warren fixes the one lineup error. Goff replaces a concussed Murray; the Gazette approves of quarterbacks who are conscious.
6Trogdor the Burninatorup 4Lost by 0.24 with a 0.0 at tight end, then fixed tight end on waivers and added the best receiver on the wire. Jeanty ran like the tenth pick. The floor of the league is now the middle of it.
7tjflaigdown 1104 is a respectable total that hides a 7.4 from Nacua and a 16.0 from DJ Moore on the bench. Owns Allgeier, the running back the Decepticons need. Has not noticed.
8The Snoqualmie Mintup 1Benched 26.7 and lost by 21. Purdy from round 12 was the good half of the plan. Watson goes in the lineup or the Gazette will keep writing this sentence.
9Decepticonsdown 61-0 with 80.06, carried by a Sunday morning kicker and a Saturday defense that has since been released. Chase 1.2, Loveland 0.0, Saquon 8.0. The names say top three. The scoreboard said ninth. The win says nothing at all.
10ChalupaBatmandown 858.22. The reason to hope: McCaffrey and Achane combined for 15.4 and will not do that again, Olave scored 18.2, and Evans and Herbert are on the bench with 24 points between them. The reason to worry: the team drafted two of everything and started the wrong one of each.
Parting Shot
A team scored 157 and a team won with 80, and the standings insist those two facts are worth the same one win. They are not. Somewhere between the Cobras' clean sheet and the Tractor's 65 points on the bench is the actual story of Week 1, which is that the Thunderdome's rosters are better than its lineups, and the lineups are the only thing that counts. Daraiders proved it by a quarter of a point. Trogdor proved it by the same quarter of a point from the other side. The Decepticons proved it with a kicker.
The Gazette will reconvene when at least one of these teams has learned to start its best players.